the bittersweet between my teeth, trying to find the in-betweens, fall back in love eventually

i've been enduring 3rd floor no fan no a/c 90 degree weather while unpacking a life that i've been without for 3+ months. the final delivery came yesterday, filling up my entire downstairs bedroom with well packaged items that i had almost forgotten about. unpacking these things - it feels like christmas yet i paid for it all and already know what it is. there is something really freeing about living out of a suitcase for months. sleeping on couches, floors, beds that are not yours. would i have been happier doing it willingly? yes. but being forced into uncomfortable situations are sometimes the only way to experience it. i would have never put myself through all that (and certainly a life lesson: never put someone through that type of hell. i can only hope someone else learned that lesson too...yet his stubborn & selfish ways will never fail to amaze me). as the dust settles (slowly) i'm seeing better things. that doesn't mean my morning shower breakdowns don't happen on a daily basis. it doesn't mean that my dreams of what i had do not haunt me in the middle of the night. it does not mean that my heart doesn't crumble and my hands don't shake when i hear his name or the jingle of his keys in a hallway. i've thought of what would happen if i came face to face with him. would i drop to my knees and cry? would i throw my hot coffee right into his face? probably neither. i'd hide. he deserves no joy nor pain from my life activities and that's how it should remain.

on a happier note i've found the weather to be intoxicating (allbeit hot as hell). when it gets this humid and sweaty, all i can think of is dancing in a crowd. there's an energy that cannot be replicated when you're with a group of dancing people with powerful heart-vibrating music. so while searching through M83 influenced groups, i stumbled upon what i think will be my summer album. download it and dance to it.

RIGHT HERE

help keep the Cake Shop open

in 2006/2007 i was in a band called the hero cycle. we did a short tour down the east coast. this tour brought us to the cake shop in nyc. not only did my band get the opportunity to play here but i've also seen a lot of great bands in this little venue. don't let nyc's music scene turn into some big industry blowout. support smaller venues. diversity of music. make a pledge (as little as $10). if they don't hit their target, you'll be refunded (which personally i think they should keep whatever they get). with as low as a $10 pledge you will get a compilation download from the owners of their favorite bands that came through. just do it. don't ask questions. $10. that's nothing! make your pledge here.

and at least i'm not the one who's running away

while waiting patiently for my chuck ragan split lp i decided to jump on the included digi download and indulge early. i went into this mostly for the ragan songs but found a quick love affair with jimmy islip. he's got the great growl from his punk roots along with the folk/country style that's become oh-so popular with all of us aging punk rockers. you can buy the split lp over here (and it's on sale).

i'm headed out for a beer which most likely will get rained out since those clouds are rolling in dark. impending doom...that's what all of today has felt like.

RIGHT HERE

you can't plan on the heart

it's come to my attention that maybe i should be offering some type of preview of an album while posting it. who wants to d/l something without being vaguely aware of the overall sound? i mean these days, even a trilobyte isn't enough for our music catalogs. so instead of album covers, i'm providing an album song/video stream of what i consider to be the highlight piece. as usual below that will be the link underneath (ie: RIGHT HERE).

i've been getting a surprisingly high volume of visitors which is fantastic but i also started this blog just for my circle of friends and the love of music. with that said, i want to express the importance and value of supporting all artists. the digital age isn't as cool as we all thought it would be. i miss the smell of books, the feel of records and even the ability to cut into a random home video sequence during the VHS where my parents recorded the Goonies from TV for me. go out, buy a record, support the artist and enjoy watching your collection expand. it's pretty critical for everyone involved.


RIGHT HERE

i kill your love, baby!

i was lucky enough to catch i break horses as the opening act for M83. i've heard them before so seeing them lives was highly anticipated. hearts was recorded by just maria lindén and fredrik balck but considering they only have two hands each and they had 7 instruments going at once, they tour with a band. i'd go and say i enjoyed them even more than the album so if you get the chance, see them live. worth it. what is not a good idea would be to share the potentially acid laced gum with a stranger next to you seconds after you turned to his friends and called them all fucking idiots for not respecting your "imaginary 12x12 square of personal space". i didn't die. thankfully.

RIGHT HERE

if i pack up my things and leave, can i still be the queen to your king?

i spent from 8am until 10:48pm today running all over the island preparing for the first leg of my move from ny to btv. i've never felt more displaced than i have in these past few months. since september i've been living out of boxes and suitcases. it's taught me how to live without. it's taught me that when you haven't seen something in a few months, you forget about it. when you forget about it, you don't miss it. but it's when you're about to give it away that you look at the object again in a new light. all of a sudden cannot live without it. possessions are funny like that. it becomes an irrational need. you know in your heart you don't want it and certainly don't need it but there's that ownership. well i'm proud to say that i watched a few pairs of shoes go into the loving hands of one of my best friends while a few articles of clothing went off with another. letting things go (especially when not needed) feels a hell of a lot better than seeing it there, waiting, wanting and never being touched.

RIGHT HERE

mom is wow upside down...deal with it.

happy mother's day to all the women in the world who've suffered through sleepless nights from either crying babies or teenagers out til 4am with no sign of coming home. i for one owe my mother everything. she's one of the strongest people i've ever known and i envy that. two nights ago i stumbled into her house at 3am (truth: i sat in her driveway in my car listening to drive-by truckers until the car shut-off and i practically broke in as i couldn't figure out how to open the front door). i couldn't stand the quiet house so i proceeded to nudge her while she was sleeping just whispering "mom...mom...are you up?" (truth: i abruptly shook her into awakening and i don't think i ever asked if she was awake, i just proceeded to talk to her). i laid half-on and half-off the bed spewing out some words that have been building up inside of me for the past two months. my mom laid there and listened. she didn't say anything. she knew i was in an inebriated state that was useless to talk out of. after i ranted (truth: incoherently yelled & mumbled at the same time) she just looked at me, laughed and said "my god you smell awful". she was right. i was well saturated with beer, whiskey and cigarettes. we laughed for a while until i passed out. it was only a few minutes until she was the one waking me up telling me to brush my teeth and wash my face for the night. there have been a handful of nights like those and mom has always been there for me. and...as is her motherly duty...has always insisted on proper hygiene habits no matter how bad things got. i love you mom.

with that all said, it's not a new release but those darlins' have one of my favorite songs (mama's heart) and it feels quite apropos for the occasion. those darlins' have released a new lp called screws get loose which you can buy direct from them (ya i bought it...the shipping is 50% of the lp price which is a serious downer and should be reassessed): http://thosedarlins.com/shop/

RIGHT HERE